<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>well here goes nothing (i mean everything) by catsinouterspace</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23873530">well here goes nothing (i mean everything)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/catsinouterspace/pseuds/catsinouterspace'>catsinouterspace</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Stardew Valley (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, First Kiss, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-03 00:41:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,082</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23873530</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/catsinouterspace/pseuds/catsinouterspace</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The darkness gave way to a cluster of dazzling lights, their brightness a shock against the otherwise blank canvas of the land. The sight was beautiful but it made Sebastian's gut twist up. He had spent countless hours up here, staring at the city lights, repeating a mantra of how many years and months were left until he finally graduated high school, until he turned 18, when he could jump on his motor cycle and leave this town in the dust.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sam/Sebastian (Stardew Valley)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>74</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Minigame: Round 1</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>well here goes nothing (i mean everything)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/gifts"></a>.</li>



    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The darkness gave way to a cluster of dazzling lights, their brightness a shock against the otherwise blank canvas of the land. The sight was beautiful but it made Sebastian's gut twist up. He had spent countless hours up here, perched on this rock with his legs dangling off the edge, staring at the city lights, repeating a mantra of how many years and months were left until he finally graduated high school, until he turned 18, when he could jump on his motor cycle and leave this town in the dust. He had it all planned out; a little apartment building, cheap enough that he didn’t need a share house. It would be a shithole sure, maybe it would always leak when it rained no matter how many times, he patched it up, or the linoleum flooring would be peeling off but it would be <em>his. </em>And it would be so very, very far away from this town. He wouldn’t wake up until noon, and he’d spend the nights with his awesome group of friends because everyone in the city was so <em>cool </em>and he’d <em>finally </em>fit in there.</p><p>Sam nudged his shoulder against Sebastian’s, “What’cha thinking about?”</p><p>“Grand plans to escape this place.” Sebastian tilted his head up so his view was now of the thousands of stars which stretched across the night sky above him. “I just…” Sebastian let out a long exhale of air, “Thought I’d be out of here by now.”</p><p>Sam remained silent, letting Sebastian puzzle out his thoughts.</p><p>“It’s just high school <em>sucked.” </em>Sebastian didn’t need to elaborate on this, Sam had been with him the entire time, constantly doing his best to drag his friend out of his depressive spirals, never just throwing his hands up and giving up on him like Sebastian was still so convinced he should have. “And I always placated myself with the idea that I’d be able to leave here one day and then it would all be <em>fine. </em>As soon as I was an adult and had my high school degree, I was gonna be out of here and my whole life would change, but I’m fucking twenty now and I’m still here and if things weren’t ever going to change maybe I should have just fucking killed myself.”</p><p>“Hey,” Sam’s voice was slightly panicked, “Seb-“</p><p>“You don’t have to worry.” Sebastian cut his friend off. “I’m not gonna, like, do anything.”</p><p>Sam’s face didn’t un-wrinkle though, his eyebrows pinched together, a frown on his face, “I still hate that you feel that way, Seb.”</p><p>Sebastian sighed, “Yeah, me too.”</p><p>Sam stared down at his feet swinging back and forth against the rock. “Twenty isn’t that old, you still have plenty of time.”</p><p>“I know.” Sebastian hesitated, “It’s just- I feel like such a <em>cliché, </em>I’m living in my parents’ basement, nobody thinks I have a real job-”</p><p>“<em>I </em>think you have a real job. You’re literally a self-employed entrepreneur at twenty, <em>that’s </em>pretty cool."</p><p>Sebastian snorted; Sam always knew how to twist words in order to talk Sebastian up.</p><p>“Way cooler than stocking shelves for some evil mega-conglomeration.”</p><p>“Hey, every time you break something there you are saying fuck you to Joja, doing your part to take down the capitalist system.”</p><p>Sam tilted his head back in a laugh, “Oh yeah, I’m leading the resistance.”</p><p>It was times like this when Sebastian’s fantasy of the city changed just a little bit. The apartment was slightly bigger and the bed was large enough to fit two.</p><p>Sebastian reached into his hoodie’s pocket to grab his cigarettes. Placing one between his mouth he inhaled as he flicked his lighter, the flame catching to the cigarette.</p><p>Sam grabbed it from his mouth, placing it between his own lips.</p><p>Sebastian rolled his eyes, reaching into his pocket to grab another one “You going to start buying your own?”</p><p>Sam grinned at him, “I don’t smoke.” He said, a puff of smoke coming out with his words, he was adamant that he wasn’t actually a smoker unless he bought his own. “Besides every cigarette I smoke for you is one you don’t, I’m basically saving your life.”</p><p>Sebastian knocked his shoulder against his, “You’re insufferable.”</p><p>“You love me.”</p><p>And he says these things so <em>easily. </em>He has no idea that it makes Sebastian’s heart pound against his chest, and causes him to choke on his own words. “Maybe.” Sebastian muttered, glad that it was dark enough that the redness of his face wouldn’t be visible.</p><p>Sam pulled his legs up, tucking them against himself he wrapped his arms around them. “Seb I’m…” Sam trailed off, he’d tried these words out in his head a million times, in a thousand moments like this they’d played at his lips but they’d never come out. “I just-“</p><p>Sebastian was watching him now, waiting for Sam to piece his thoughts together.</p><p>He shouldn’t need the extra time considering how long he’d spent thinking about how to say this, but Sam was grateful for it anyway. “You’re like, my best friend.” The words fell flat of what he needed them to be, so he tried again, “And I, the thought of you not being happy is just, I hate it so much, because you are… you’re so <em>great</em>, and you make <em>me </em>so happy so I wish, I wish that I could make you as happy.”</p><p>“Sam,” Sebastian stopped the blond’s rambling, “You <em>do</em> make me happy. It’s not your fault that my brain is dumb sometimes, the fact you manage to make me happy despite how shitty my brain is proves how amazing you are, okay?”</p><p>Sam smiled at him, letting go of his legs, he swung them back off the ledge, “Okay.”</p><p>Sebastian nodded, “Good.”</p><p>“AlsoIthinkImaybeinlovewithyou.” Sam blurted.</p><p>Sebastian blinked at him.</p><p>“It’s totally okay if you don’t feel that way!” Sam hurried to say, “Don’t feel pressured or anything, I just I thought I should tell-“</p><p>He was cut off by Sebastian’s lips on his, it was only for a moment, a quick press of his lips to Sam’s, before Sebastian pulled back, he was still close enough that his fringe tickled Sam’s nose. “Sorry, I’ve just wanted to do that for a really long time.”</p><p>“Don’t apologise.” Sam whispered, as his lips moved to form the words, he couldn’t help realising how close they still were to Sebastian’s. He moved one hand up to cradle Sebastian’s cheek “Can I?” He asked.</p><p>Sebastian nodded.</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>